Closed beta participant
A participant of the MangaBullet closed beta test, which ran from Feb - Jun 2008.
Awarded on 9th Jun 2008

Entry...

Posted on 7th Jun 2008 at 7:50 AM

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Ever since the boys started teasing about me about being "not nice and not a girl" and one of my friends saying that "No wonder you have no friends." in a self talking tone Everything has been bad on DA.

I think I've pissed *inset name here*
AND I KNOW *insert name here* hates me
Her comments is hurting me most of all.....it's bad enough she got her friend into it UGH!

It makes me cry, it really does. I face contemptible, un-called-for, stupid comments everyday. Now I have to face them on the internet?
The internet, the only place where I can escape the reality in front of me.....

The reality of people not likeing me. 4th graders teasing me. Boys laughing at my every move. Me getting annoyed at my friends. And knowing that no one loves me for me and they never will, I have a horrible attitude but could you just figure it out that it's the only armor I have? A stained and broken-down armor that is easily being torn apart.

My friends especially, they've torn that armor apart ( and yet found pieces to put it back together) the most.
The annoying perfection.
The unemotional
The TOO emotional
The one that doesn't seem to love me as much as she does the others
.

And I just can't get over the fact, that no ones perfect. That theres no one person in the world that I will never be jelous of or get get mad at. But thats no exuse for me not to have a trustworthy friend. Or is it?

I'm just so dissapointed at life. How cruel it really is. How cruel that they give me this cheap armor that I can only fix myself that I had built all on my own. This armor that no one think is beautiful or powerful.

This pain. I cant hold. Most people know how to respond such clever and quick comments. A talent I don't have.

but really whats the good thing about me? My art? No I need something of personality something thats USEFUL!
"Art is useful."
But to say that "You draw well." to a girl soon to be in an ART HIGH SCHOOL is not much of a compliment.

No. This pain with never be fixed. Only to be patched up and fixed and sewed and stapled. Over and over.

This armor I will have to be stuck with until someone protects me. But that person will never come. So keep the bullets coming. Straight into my heart.

But I hope in the future.
It'll be different.
Because this pain.
This pain is so hard to live with.

And I know I'm not the only one in this world with this pain but u dont know. At least those people have something; someone to look foward to. A certain talent a certain love a certain beauty.

I asked my friends millions of times " What do you like about me?"
They said the same bull. "Your Art."

What art? My garbage my 3 year old trash?

A talent that God gave me. Why? I don't know only He does.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm very...broken....very easily brakable but you knew that. And I won't hide it.

I won't bore your anymore with my ranting. Good Night and wish me luck next Friday it's Graduation day and my dress makes me look pregnant ;w; oh well.



also i have a question, how do u use the header? codes or photobucket?

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